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An iPhone with Twitter, Facebook, and other apps in Technology has changed the long-distance relationship, keeping couples in separate cities or even separate continents connected via video chats and messages. When people ask how my husband and I get through months spent on different continents, the conversation always turns to technology.

Just a generation ago, long-distance calls were rare and expensive. Today, a video call costs nothing, and it takes only seconds to connect.

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A shared virtual existence comes with speed bumps that couples may not always see coming. When communication with your partner happens over typed messaging, phone conversations and grainy video calls, and that vital information is lost, a partner can easily seem inattentive or out of sync.

But when we share daily life with a partner in person, a fuller picture emerges: We notice differences because they pop up in front of us. And in long-term relationships, we notice our partner growing and being impacted by new experiences.

4 challenges posed by long-distance relationships

Make sure you see your partner in various settings, like at work and with new friends, to know more about their daily life. Long-term couples, especially those raising a family and running a household together, have many different kinds of conversations on a given day. And if your partner makes a misstep, be patient. Long-distance phone calls, especially over WiFi, can also include a slight delay.

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If a lot of calls are marked by this frustration, couples can start associating partner interaction with annoyance and stress. On days when the tech connection is perfect, couples may have the opposite problem: Instant and free access across the miles can make us feel obligated to be in constant touch.

We may feel pressure to share all details instantly, which can be exhausting. And that also leaves no time for processing thoughts.

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The beauty of writing letters, says Rhoades, was that people took time to synthesize and summarize their experiences, and found carefully chosen words. Long-distance couples who grant themselves that same time may find that they say more, with more meaning, than they do in a constant stream of dashed-off commentary.

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